I am neither sitting on cloud 9 nor sitting with my head in the clouds as one might assume.
I am consciously disconnected from reality daydreaming.
This is a process I am way too familiar with.
I have done it quite a bit over the last few years.
I thought I was done with it though.
I thought I was done with it because of all the changes I have made and gone through.
I am on the other side of miserable.
But something was off. Something triggered me. Something caused a huge ripple.
And I shut down.
I shut all the way down and I dived into my thoughts.
I created alternate scenarios. I held hypothetical conversations.
I relive moments like a highlight reel on repeat.
I get lost in those moments.
I enjoy the good ones longer.
I soak up the happy feelings more.
I fall in love all over again.
But those bad ones…
I get heartbroken all over again.
I get angry all over again.
I blame myself all over again.
So this is where I’ve been for a while.
I’m starting to climb down and only anticipate a distraction of two before I reach the ground again.