2020 PROJECT 52: 16/52

I am neither sitting on cloud 9 nor sitting with my head in the clouds as one might assume.

I am consciously disconnected from reality daydreaming.

This is a process I am way too familiar with.

I have done it quite a bit over the last few years.

I thought I was done with it though.

I thought I was done with it because of all the changes I have made and gone through.

I am on the other side of miserable.

But something was off. Something triggered me. Something caused a huge ripple.

And I shut down.

I shut all the way down and I dived into my thoughts.

I created alternate scenarios. I held hypothetical conversations.

I relive moments like a highlight reel on repeat.

I get lost in those moments.

I enjoy the good ones longer.

I soak up the happy feelings more.

I fall in love all over again.

But those bad ones…

I get heartbroken all over again.

I get angry all over again.

I blame myself all over again.


So this is where I’ve been for a while.
I’m starting to climb down and only anticipate a distraction of two before I reach the ground again.